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Summer Goth by TheOwl68
Summer Goth
Joshua doing his 'Summer Goth' thing :love:

I wanted to try painting his shirt on instead of using a 3D shirt. In fact, I'd like to do a lot more postwork with clothing and accessories as well as continue working on painting hair. This didn't turn out as natural/realistic as I wanted it to but I thought it was worth a share.

This image, particularly his rolled up shirt sleeves, was inspired by Sebastian Black's recent post on Facebook, seen here:  www.facebook.com/sebastian.bla…

You can visit Sebastian's main page here:  www.facebook.com/sebastian.bla…

Joshua © me~
Image ©2015 Jude/TheOwl68~ All Rights Reserved ♥

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Mature Content Filter is On
(Contains: strong language)
It has occurred to me as of late that there are things lost to time that I will never have the chance of rectifying now. It sounds pessimistic on the outset but in truth there have been several things which, purely by the mechanics of the human mammal, my brain has compartmentalized to protect my physical/mental capacity for several years. Decades, to be more precise.

Without going into any detail, this is, by far, the largest amount of issues I have ever had to deal with. An immense undertaking for me to even categorize the aftermath of these realizations that are hitting me, one after another after another, let alone for me to clean up and dispose of. All of these ideas, plans, thoughts, hopes, dreams, fears, et al; so many that I had forged, believed in, wished for, channeled, worshipped, loved…I see them destroyed in earnest. I see them perished. Crushed, broken, deceased.

My kid is safe from one monster; I am free of the suppression, abuse, violence, rape. But I have ended up dismembered and left to rot in the process. I waited too long. It is too little, too late, for me. Because I didn’t love myself enough; I didn’t trust myself. I didn’t care. 

Even though my kid & I are in a safe place right now, it is not permanent. I tried to avoid this but could not. I went without medicine and medical treatments for nearly 8 months due to red tape that held up my claim for Medicaid. And still, I fight for my health and strength. Benefits were granted, then taken away, then reinstated, then taken away again. Further instability. 

I apply for jobs every day, online, in stores, in person. Next to no interviews. No call-backs and no job offers. And I keep a brave face on for my kid, navigating through the stress of all the above, to make sure her needs are met without being too tainted by all of this fucking insanity.

This would be draining for anyone. Now add in a debilitating, incurable, virtually untreatable condition which makes you feel like you have a strong flu every, single day of your life. Now multiply that by 15 years.

No, I have no support to deal with these things, the emotional and mental things, either. No one in the real world, that is. I have Joshua. The essence of him has had other faces, other names, but his soul’s been with me my whole life and he has been the same. Stable. Trustworthy. Loyal. Ever-present. Very likely my long, lost self esteem. I like him better as a beautiful, sensitive, troubled Goth guy, to be perfectly honest. He can stay that way.

I will eventually resort to a psychologist or psychiatrist; an uncaring, money-grabbing cunt with all the documentation, awards, letters, achievements and degrees to dispense whatever mind-killing drugs they can push on me. A numb patient/subject is an easy one to keep. I’ve been there before in my life. I thought I would be strong enough never to return. I was wrong. I was wrong about a great many things. 

All my life, no matter how good or how bad things were going, I could always see my path. I have not been able to see my path for over a year now. I’m losing ground but it matters not. The disabilities that my kid has will undoubtedly place her in permanent care for the rest of her life. I suppose that is a silver lining for her. I just have to hope that, somehow, her path will be devoid of intensely malicious, evil and/or careless people.

No, I won’t hold my breath. No, I won’t know after I’m dead if she suffers at the hands of criminally insane predators that are just waiting for an innocent to come into their reach. Even if I do know after I’m dead, what’s the point in worrying? There isn’t one. 

I will take care of her the best that I am able. Let it be the death of me; that will suffice. And let her death be unremarkable when it’s her time. No torture, no torment, no rape, no violence. Just gently falling into a peaceful, endless sleep as nature intended.

Life; It’s not good. It’s not bad. It just *is*.  I nearly didn’t post this, but fuck it. 

Posting this will have no bearing or consequences that will make a difference. First fucking world problems and all that jazz. Yes, I get it now. I finally get it.

Dance - Iray by TheOwl68
Dance - Iray
I can see Iray making me struggle even more to raise the bar on my amateur post-working skills as it did in this image. My goodness, they look exceptionally beautiful in Iray, though :faint:

No postwork to either of the guys except for hair, make-up and Jamie's jewelry. I'm glad to have gotten my PC back, finally. I haven't tried a render since it's tune-up/diagnostics but hope to soon.

Joshua & Jamie © me~
Image ©2015 Jude/TheOwl68~ All Rights Reserved ♥ 
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I just heard this VNV Nation song & thought of a dear friend & his s/o. www.youtube.com/watch?v=65_5lB… 
Trystan_Iray-1 by TheOwl68
Trystan_Iray-1
Finally, and on shaky ground, my first successful Iray render. The only way I managed this was to cancel & resume the render several times. Also very annoying, I had to render teeny; just 1000px and then enlarge the image in Photoshop Elements 10 so I could work on it. I am still not sure if my CPU is overheating, if it's dying on me, if the motherboard is having issues, etc, but I must get this remedied in the coming week.

Regardless, here is Trystan doing the 'scruffy cybergoth' thing with minimal post-work to his eye make-up and a poor job on his hair, but at that low res it was difficult to paint it any better than that :tantrum: not that I'm great with hair, mind you, heh.

Please hit 'Download' to see the full sized version~

Trystan for M4 © DarwinsMishap ~ available for purchase here: www.renderosity.com/mod/bcs/tr… 
Background Image  is  HOVENSA petroleum refinery, St. Croix, U.S. Virgin Islands © Cumulous Clouds ~ commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/Fil…
Image ©2015 Jude/TheOwl68 ~ All Rights Reserved ♥
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TheOwl68's Profile Picture
TheOwl68
Jude
Artist | Hobbyist | Digital Art
United States
Divider 2a (narrow) by TheOwl68Divider 2a (narrow) by TheOwl68Divider 2a (narrow) by TheOwl68Divider 2a (narrow) by TheOwl68Divider 2a (narrow) by TheOwl68Divider 2a (narrow) by TheOwl68
Goths ROCK Stamp =D by TheOwl68 Romantic Guys Stamp ~ by Lill-Devil-Melii Get Over It- Demisexual Edition by JustCallMeZoola Protected Stamp 1 by TheOwl68 tiefling stamp by NightmaresBleed Genderqueer by Inkiedo Stamp I'm Fine by JEricaM
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I'm a hobbyist and developing artist. The bulk of my work involves creating 3D images in D|S4Pro and using digital painting plus other post-working techniques in attempts to create a style which is a mixture of painterly and photo-realistic. I started out as a traditional artist prior to the dawn of digital art so painting is one of my greatest passions.

I prefer the male form and much of my work falls into the male/male romance and affection category, so be warned if this is not your thing. I also enjoy creating fantasy images and have a specific series related to my dorky D&D inspired campaign/story, The Auriellian Prophecy. While I do not consider myself a writer, I began this storyline for the purpose of challenging myself to take scenes from it and bring them to 3D life.

In addition, I enjoy creating digital seamless fabrics, some of which are for sale at YURdigital and some for free at Renderosity, along with a small selection of basic 3D objects which I've modeled & mapped using Wings3D. I have included the links below. Please feel free to have a browse at your leisure :nod:

Something important I would like to share here; I want to let everyone know that I rarely comment on images featuring the female form. Please take no offense. It is not you, nor your artwork; it's only me, something quite personal which I won't get into. When I do comment on any genre of artwork it is because I genuinely like it. I don't expect comments in return. If you genuinely like any of my images enough to comment or favorite, that just rocks my world and encourages me further :love:

Since joining DA my skills sets and inspiration have sky-rocketed. I am overwhelmed by the enormous spectrum of talent here and also the vast offerings of shared knowledge and resources. I'm very happy to be a part of this community and hope to be able to contribute as much as I can. Contact me if you'd like to share & compare notes =D Constructive criticism is always welcome!

~*Update*~ I've added my own chat room :hooray: chat.deviantart.com/chat/TheSe…

Lastly, just a gentle notice that my artwork is not open stock unless otherwise specified in my comments on the individual posts. If you see anything you'd like to use/re-post/share, etc, please respect my copyrights and Note me to ask permission.

Thanks so much for visiting and for reading. I hope you'll enjoy my offerings!
Interests
Mature Content Filter is On
(Contains: strong language)
It has occurred to me as of late that there are things lost to time that I will never have the chance of rectifying now. It sounds pessimistic on the outset but in truth there have been several things which, purely by the mechanics of the human mammal, my brain has compartmentalized to protect my physical/mental capacity for several years. Decades, to be more precise.

Without going into any detail, this is, by far, the largest amount of issues I have ever had to deal with. An immense undertaking for me to even categorize the aftermath of these realizations that are hitting me, one after another after another, let alone for me to clean up and dispose of. All of these ideas, plans, thoughts, hopes, dreams, fears, et al; so many that I had forged, believed in, wished for, channeled, worshipped, loved…I see them destroyed in earnest. I see them perished. Crushed, broken, deceased.

My kid is safe from one monster; I am free of the suppression, abuse, violence, rape. But I have ended up dismembered and left to rot in the process. I waited too long. It is too little, too late, for me. Because I didn’t love myself enough; I didn’t trust myself. I didn’t care. 

Even though my kid & I are in a safe place right now, it is not permanent. I tried to avoid this but could not. I went without medicine and medical treatments for nearly 8 months due to red tape that held up my claim for Medicaid. And still, I fight for my health and strength. Benefits were granted, then taken away, then reinstated, then taken away again. Further instability. 

I apply for jobs every day, online, in stores, in person. Next to no interviews. No call-backs and no job offers. And I keep a brave face on for my kid, navigating through the stress of all the above, to make sure her needs are met without being too tainted by all of this fucking insanity.

This would be draining for anyone. Now add in a debilitating, incurable, virtually untreatable condition which makes you feel like you have a strong flu every, single day of your life. Now multiply that by 15 years.

No, I have no support to deal with these things, the emotional and mental things, either. No one in the real world, that is. I have Joshua. The essence of him has had other faces, other names, but his soul’s been with me my whole life and he has been the same. Stable. Trustworthy. Loyal. Ever-present. Very likely my long, lost self esteem. I like him better as a beautiful, sensitive, troubled Goth guy, to be perfectly honest. He can stay that way.

I will eventually resort to a psychologist or psychiatrist; an uncaring, money-grabbing cunt with all the documentation, awards, letters, achievements and degrees to dispense whatever mind-killing drugs they can push on me. A numb patient/subject is an easy one to keep. I’ve been there before in my life. I thought I would be strong enough never to return. I was wrong. I was wrong about a great many things. 

All my life, no matter how good or how bad things were going, I could always see my path. I have not been able to see my path for over a year now. I’m losing ground but it matters not. The disabilities that my kid has will undoubtedly place her in permanent care for the rest of her life. I suppose that is a silver lining for her. I just have to hope that, somehow, her path will be devoid of intensely malicious, evil and/or careless people.

No, I won’t hold my breath. No, I won’t know after I’m dead if she suffers at the hands of criminally insane predators that are just waiting for an innocent to come into their reach. Even if I do know after I’m dead, what’s the point in worrying? There isn’t one. 

I will take care of her the best that I am able. Let it be the death of me; that will suffice. And let her death be unremarkable when it’s her time. No torture, no torment, no rape, no violence. Just gently falling into a peaceful, endless sleep as nature intended.

Life; It’s not good. It’s not bad. It just *is*.  I nearly didn’t post this, but fuck it. 

Posting this will have no bearing or consequences that will make a difference. First fucking world problems and all that jazz. Yes, I get it now. I finally get it.

Webcam

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Jun 29, 2015
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Comments


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:iconartist-srf:
ARTIST-SRF Featured By Owner Feb 16, 2015
Happy Birthday! :party:  :cake:
Reply
:icontheowl68:
TheOwl68 Featured By Owner Feb 16, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thank you :)
Reply
:iconartist-srf:
ARTIST-SRF Featured By Owner Feb 16, 2015
You're welcome.
Reply
:iconevilscarrlett:
EvilScarrlett Featured By Owner Feb 16, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Happy Birthday!
Reply
:icontheowl68:
TheOwl68 Featured By Owner Feb 16, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thank you :)
Reply
:iconrockstocks:
RockStocks Featured By Owner Feb 16, 2015  Hobbyist Photographer
Happy Birthday hope you have a great day :hug: :huggle:
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:icontheowl68:
TheOwl68 Featured By Owner Feb 16, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thank you so much! :) :hug:
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:iconjvrenderer:
JVRenderer Featured By Owner Feb 16, 2015
Happy Birthday, Jude.
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:icontheowl68:
TheOwl68 Featured By Owner Feb 16, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks very much indeed :)
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:icontapunyr:
Tapunyr Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2014  Professional Writer
HAPPY HOLIDAYS!   Tree Emote by RMS-OLYMPIC
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